Depression, like ice upon my soul.

I know I already posted today, but I thought describing my depression today might help my mind set. Shorter days -and though I am so thankful for the rain and actually love cloudy days, it is so cloudy on my mind I actually am finding myself crying so much more than I have for a couple months.

So what does this depression feel like to me:

1. Pinterest does not even lift my spirits when it usuallyu help me immensely.
2. I feel like I cannot breathe.
3. Do not even want to listen to music.
4. I am nauseous from it.
5. Thinking everyone is against me and even though it is a fact that God is not. I cannot stop the feeling -though a lie from the pit that all I have ever done as I grow old was such a waste in God's name.
6. There was never enough time or money to do what I wanted for God. I know you are not supposed to think such thoughts per the bible or even advice given by self help stuff, but I am overwhelmed with Why? Yes, in heaven my tear will be wiped away, but does anyone else think-and maybe my idea of heaven is skewed-it is now when people need love in caring that money is needed to do things you will not need to do in heaven and time is the same way. God says he will provide sufficiency in all things to abound to every good work. Am I missing something here?
7. The depression is like ice inside me.
8. I feel so strange.
9.  I feel fake and like it all is surreal.
10.  The mental health place that is supposed to be so helpful , are not there for me-though they say they will be when I really am in need  Game playing as the darkness closes in. 

While I was getting some canned hash out of the microwave-even though I am in a brain fog, I have hope that maybe I am in such a bad manner, it is because I have prayed hard  and God is breaking through like with Daniel to answer my prayers? I just could wish I would see the answers.

MUST FIGHT