Tuesday, October 23, 2012

If you are not on the teeter totter side of Depression?

You will probably be after reading this. I keep having what feels a blood vessel burst in my left eye and then slight headache ache above it. I try to keep the stress level down. If they would quit messing with my medicine and medical help. it causes me more stress than anything else. Just typing this I had to take anxiety stuff. I try to put it in God's hands and trust, but I have been through so much already. From extreme asthma and it ostracizing me all my life when kids mocked me because I could not go to their pet in houses homes.  My introvert personality-which the creativity side is my great gladness in this. I hid myself in books- which I no know so much, and I love that. but as a child it was extreme hard. I did not know but I think I was a depressed off and on quite often. I did not know even the word. I had an extreme melancholy temperament as a child. Very timid. Sensitive to the point that I kept it all in.  I was really bullied and abused. I came out well, when I got saved. My mania drove service to God. but between my negative mania and my husband unaware that he did verbal abusive stuff, our home was pretty verbally intense and stressful. Yes it is way better now, but was a hard life, with little support and Christians -especially women telling me I was the fault of it all- a few did not , but most did. If anyone looked at my heart as God did alone, they would have seen how my heart was full of a burning love for Jesus and trying 100% to live by the word of God and everything he wanted me to be by His power. It is said that Christians shoot their own wounded, very true. To sum it up as my bipolar got worse and the devil worked at trying to get me to quit  doing anything for God:  Psychosis, pain, persecution-yes it was that I experience. fire going through my body like hell.The truth.(Most Christians cannot or will not believe the last one.) I am really worn from the battle.  To see the news-which is why I abstain a lot-and the sin of wishing my stuff on certain members of government- I had to see articles like this one:

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/arhttp://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=21761t.asp?articlekey=21761.  And also stroke being much higher for us. And they say this illness is not terminal. Lol and have a nice day. If Jesus Christ does not keep me in my physical tent, , I am a goner. I am so glad when they doubted seeing him go up to heaven. because I sure do. Funny how some are so perfect , even better than the apostles or pretend to be?

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