If you are not on the teeter totter side of Depression?

You will probably be after reading this. I keep having what feels a blood vessel burst in my left eye and then slight headache ache above it. I try to keep the stress level down. If they would quit messing with my medicine and medical help. it causes me more stress than anything else. Just typing this I had to take anxiety stuff. I try to put it in God's hands and trust, but I have been through so much already. From extreme asthma and it ostracizing me all my life when kids mocked me because I could not go to their pet in houses homes.  My introvert personality-which the creativity side is my great gladness in this. I hid myself in books- which I no know so much, and I love that. but as a child it was extreme hard. I did not know but I think I was a depressed off and on quite often. I did not know even the word. I had an extreme melancholy temperament as a child. Very timid. Sensitive to the point that I kept it all in.  I was really bullied and abused. I came out well, when I got saved. My mania drove service to God. but between my negative mania and my husband unaware that he did verbal abusive stuff, our home was pretty verbally intense and stressful. Yes it is way better now, but was a hard life, with little support and Christians -especially women telling me I was the fault of it all- a few did not , but most did. If anyone looked at my heart as God did alone, they would have seen how my heart was full of a burning love for Jesus and trying 100% to live by the word of God and everything he wanted me to be by His power. It is said that Christians shoot their own wounded, very true. To sum it up as my bipolar got worse and the devil worked at trying to get me to quit  doing anything for God:  Psychosis, pain, persecution-yes it was that I experience. fire going through my body like hell.The truth.(Most Christians cannot or will not believe the last one.) I am really worn from the battle.  To see the news-which is why I abstain a lot-and the sin of wishing my stuff on certain members of government- I had to see articles like this one:




http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/arhttp://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=21761t.asp?articlekey=21761.  And also stroke being much higher for us. And they say this illness is not terminal. Lol and have a nice day. If Jesus Christ does not keep me in my physical tent, , I am a goner. I am so glad when they doubted seeing him go up to heaven. because I sure do. Funny how some are so perfect , even better than the apostles or pretend to be?

It is funny, but it is not.

I found some really funny bipolar and or depression/anxiety cartoons on the web.

Do most bipolar's feel like this? . I do a lot.

If only this could be a steady life.

Way to save the turkey.

Was the depression glass ever used in therapy? I love this vintage stuff, but drop the depression please.

You must laugh at yourself :Pro_15:13  A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. Pro_17:22  A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
So it is humorous, but at the same time a sad fact.

Blue Ribbon Fair: A big problem with depression and bipolar.

Blue Ribbon Fair: A big problem with depression and bipolar.: I feel such shame and guilt. I have not posted for over a month and especially have not followed up my hospital 3 posting.. Forgive me. On o...


I posted this to the wrong blog. See what I mean. Mind issues.

Depression, like ice upon my soul.

I know I already posted today, but I thought describing my depression today might help my mind set. Shorter days -and though I am so thankful for the rain and actually love cloudy days, it is so cloudy on my mind I actually am finding myself crying so much more than I have for a couple months.

So what does this depression feel like to me:

1. Pinterest does not even lift my spirits when it usuallyu help me immensely.
2. I feel like I cannot breathe.
3. Do not even want to listen to music.
4. I am nauseous from it.
5. Thinking everyone is against me and even though it is a fact that God is not. I cannot stop the feeling -though a lie from the pit that all I have ever done as I grow old was such a waste in God's name.
6. There was never enough time or money to do what I wanted for God. I know you are not supposed to think such thoughts per the bible or even advice given by self help stuff, but I am overwhelmed with Why? Yes, in heaven my tear will be wiped away, but does anyone else think-and maybe my idea of heaven is skewed-it is now when people need love in caring that money is needed to do things you will not need to do in heaven and time is the same way. God says he will provide sufficiency in all things to abound to every good work. Am I missing something here?
7. The depression is like ice inside me.
8. I feel so strange.
9.  I feel fake and like it all is surreal.
10.  The mental health place that is supposed to be so helpful , are not there for me-though they say they will be when I really am in need  Game playing as the darkness closes in. 

While I was getting some canned hash out of the microwave-even though I am in a brain fog, I have hope that maybe I am in such a bad manner, it is because I have prayed hard  and God is breaking through like with Daniel to answer my prayers? I just could wish I would see the answers.

MUST FIGHT

DIY-health fixes

I have a few skin tags. I have none like the picture on the link I am sharing. I still want to get rid of the flatter ones though I possess on my neck. I also want to be prepared in case I get any more of the worse looking ones like shown. The site I am sharing has very thorough variety of ideas which I hope -of one may  work. Some of the products I and you may already have on hand. You might need to purchase items for the one you would think would work best for you or if you try one and it does not work well.

So have ago at this link: http://www.findhomeremedy.com/home-remedies-for-skin-tags/

This site has other things I want to peruse. It appears to have a lot of good health remedies to for many things.

Get a helpful booklet on Wellness.

http://www.karentyrrell.com/

The above site is a link to a friend of mine who is offering a nice booklet-of the which you can see on this site. I cannot say how long it will be offered. You just sign up for her email to get it.


She also has a memoir I want to read soon. I need to check if it is a lot cheaper for Kindle .I am surprised that some books are almost as much as a hard copy for the Kindle. I will buy the regular ones if they run that way. Some are quite a bargain. A Memoir tells an experience. I really like reading them with this subject more than mere facts.


A link to her site with the Memoir:  http://www.karentyrrell.com/

Hospital 3

I have been putting this off since it is not a pleasant subject to meditate on. I have also had so much drama in my family which has hindered me from posting for a few days. Had to drive into town which is an hour back and forth.

Any way I was stripped for track marks and I believe cuttings. I do not do either by the grace of God. So humiliating. I had some bug bites and had to say they were bug bites with the nurse writing everything down. I also have psoriasis and had to explain that. It is on my ankles.

The night nurse- It was by then midnight- had me take sleep medicine. Since I was lied to at the beginning and I wanted to sleep to make the horror go away so I took the trazadone and ativan. I conked until 7 a.m. until I was awakened by loud noise which I discovered was the kitchen person bringing breakfast.

I did not want to eat, but they would allow nothing in my room and I have low blood sugar a lot, So I forced myself to eat what I could. I am nor used to eating breakfast. I know it is supposed to be bad, but for me but once I eat I crave chocolate-even if I eat a big meal.The longer in the day I put off eating the better. I am just an out of the box typed person. It works for me. The rest of the time in the hospital I believe I ended up eating more than I ever have in my life. I was afraid not to eat well and have the low blood sugar attack. Now you could ask for snacks at the desk, but I actually just wanted to be away from the nurses as little interaction as possible. I am not always good at asking. (introvert) and some of the nurses acted put out. Some of the hospital food was extremely good and some was lame. I also seem to have an ocd thing with eating with people I do not know so I had to pray to not be revolted.they also had a TV. blasting shows that were not a help for my repulsive feelings. The room was also kind of dirty. When I got restless I started wiping the tables myself on the last couple days of my stay.

The DR.: The first DR there was - and you had to wait for awhile -with no witnesses- said very abusive remarks. He threatened things. he may have had dry humor and really no one said much to each other in there because "the walls have ears" so I never knew what others thought of this "joker." He threatened to not let me go home to my family, to throw my husband in the hospital and such things the 3 days I saw him. On Saturday we had a different doctor. he was the total opposite of the other. Kind ,and he let me out 2 days early.Which I had been praying hard for.

Medications: They put me on  a bunch of medicines. One given me- and I at least give the kudo's to the churlish doctrine for the new anti depressant he put me on. It actually has done wonders. They also put me on what they called an anti psychotic  and I was not even psychotic. This drug caused me unable to sleep by the 2nd night upon taking and psychotic symptoms. I had to pray through it asking it not to effect me.

Speaking of sleep. I slept from 12- 7 the first day and I went back to sleep for most of the rest of the day except for supper, when nurses came to check my vitals and or give me the meds. My room mate slept also that day. I had been horrified to see I would be sharing a room. The room also was dark and I hated to turn the light on to bother her, but by afternoon day 2 I was not able to sleep so I had to read or could not stand it. As far as I know my room mate slept all the time except meals and I had thought I would sleep like that to make the time go by like maybe she would do. As I also have stated before, the one drug they put me on made me manic at night, but I was told by the grumpy physician that if I refused my meds-which I could do-he would keep me for a month- so I endured and told no one.I prayed. ( You can refuse the pills, but if you do you will bear the punishment.)

Other "patients": almost all the other patients in there with what I could discern and hear were in there because of drugs in some manner or another connected to fighting, clashes, recklessness or of the same.( I felt vindicated by my blood test showing I had no illegal drugs or alcohol in my body.) One saw me reading my bible and asked me some things. when he left , he asked for me to pray for him. I have been trying to do it daily. I really-even though that was the most I talked to any other one in there with me-did not have much interaction with others as said. I also have mentioned my introvert personality.(When I get among many people I do not know, I find it hard to converse.) If I am around one person or people I already know I can talk their "ear off." I do believe also that many were inhibited to talk since anything could be used against you. Several things stick out with my fellow patients:
One lady that seemed pretty normal, but would fade in and out. All I could think maybe she was perhaps schizophrenic . This lady was missing a limb and in a wheel chair. she kept trying to sneak in one of the young guys rooms. I also saw her laying completely naked on her bed where you had to see her when you walked by. I did tell the nurses this was going on and they took care of it. I also saw the young guy that she was trying to sneak in with walk by her door and I was apprehensive that he may have seen her also spread out.



Since I am finding this is taking more writing then I had anticipated with this blog, I am going to cut out here and do another post on the hospital experience. I just know if something is too long I will not attempt it. So to find out what took place after the unclothed bed incident tune in for a later posting I have also missed some things I wanted to say in my sections above. Next time:What happened with this young man-that may have been connected to the exposed woman on her bed in her room.

Exactly how it was waiting for the DR. Though nurses no longer dress like this.